this is a poem i have been working on for awhile...since Friday night.=D enjoy~!
Fallen
Tumbling, twisting, spinning down. He descended
past blind gazes and pure gates.
Plunging, falling; earth-ward bound,
he fell not from but into grace.
Peeking through the crack-flawed marble,
all he saw was blue and grey.
Knowing well that he might stumble,
he searched deep down for words to say.
Now opening his arms, his heart-stone chamber,
he laid out the paths of which to choose.
And through the gaps he glimpsed true heaven,
she made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
Etched and carved into his mind forever,
was the halo eyes and warm embrace.
Hand in hand with his tomorrows he fell
and he fell,
so again he fell
not from but into grace.
About Me
- Eric
- "Live now, worry later and if you happen not to live later then at least you had fun now."
45 comments:
sweet XD
clever too.
make me sad why dont you... so beautiful... -hug-
-hug- i never meant to but you can always cry on my shoulder.
awww that's rather adorable, you poet you.
I like it.. though. I'm too sleepy to analyse.
I will though.
Maybe.
If you nag at me to..
I like it.. though. I'm too sleepy to analyse.
I will though.
Maybe.
If you nag at me to..
he is a poet ain't he. and a complete romantic (which i can't live up to even if i tried for years to perfect some poem i was trying to write) and he is so photogenic!!! which i cant top either. hes almost more of a girl than me.... ain't that depressing?
...thanks hun...i already feel really bad about myself for being shorter than you...-cry- T_T i want to be taller~!~! -whine-
see, i'd sell my soul to the devil if he'd make me taller but i've already given to you. -hug- =D
omg stop being soppy! i cant handle the jandle etc etc! but don't worri. ur only moderat;y feminine
I like being 5'4!!!
and having a nose!
so you like being minute and having a small nose?? and...SLEEPY~! ^^
oi!! enough with the sleepy! You are not permitted to use that word again..
-prod-
and update. PLease :)
do update. eventually. but no ridiculously cringeful bad poems like some people -hug-
-cry-
and, apart from that; it's cool, apart from the last three lines. It's set up as a good thing, which means that enjambement/ extra syllables are conflicting with the meaning. Also, they kill the flow really nicely XP
look it's peter the analyser! yay! for me, i just generally hate rhyming poetry. for me, it completely distracts from the meaning...although i still think yours is rather sweet eric!!! i only write really abstracted random thought shit stuff. it's great fun. a total release.
lol... update!!! im bored
look, lets all point at Julia and laugh because she's using a photo i took of her, and i enlarged it badly.
Bahahahahahahahahaha!
kelda, you're a TINY bit cruel. just a LITTLE though, you know?
your MINISCULE insult won't affect Julia, but SMALL things can build up, you know.
ooooooooooooo that was harsh...
Yes Peter, small things Can build up. I think of Henri Toulouse-Lautrec in times like these. Everybody loved Toulouse. He is awesome.
Taoism is also something favours the small. I am currently reading a book which explains Taoism through none other than Piglet.
Are you trying to tell me that you don't like Piglet, perhaps?
And what of the children of the children of the children???
Or perhaps Wednesday isn't your day..
I like my height of 5'4. It's a very nice height to be.
And you tall people? You stoop down, because you are jealous of our awesomeness.
I would also like to point out that it was my enlarging skills that I was talking about, not Julia's. She's been in the darkroom Once and it scared her so much that she started screaming.
Et c'est ca.
haha. When did your height get brought into it...?
is the book 'the tao of pooh'? i quite liked that.
yeah.. it's kinda the sequel. But kinda.. not.
But yes.It's called 'The Te of Piglet'
It's very cool. I rather like it.
Where did my height come into it?
Really...don't pretend that it was so genious that noone noticed it.
You're a silly muppet -stab-
no, i'm serious.. i wasn't thinking of that at all
oh.. right.
you were talking about what then?
wow i almost felt for a second that peter was fighting for my honour....but then i realised that he was merely picking a fight with kelda for no apparent reason.
never mind. i quite like my photo. could you give me the rest in the series kelda?
the rest of the series? hmm.. i'll try find them.. i think i lost the negatives, though they could be somewhere in my room.
i'll have a look :)
Fair maiden, it is not for one so lowly as I to presume to defend your honour; for it is well known that, lovely as you are, you have the ability to defend yourself with an aptitude to which my own pales in comparison.
that being said, I was, in fact, attempting to anyway.
omg peter, go and write a bloody shakepearean novel will you?! but thanks anyway :)
kelda, twud be nice if you could find them...i need to ensure that noone sees them :)
y'all are being ridiculously silly... 'tis almost off-putting...
lol.. DOn't you worry fair Julia, I shall be sure to scan them on the fancy new neg scanner that the photography department is trying to figure out how to use atm, and share them with the rest of the world.
Yes Natasha. Well, you'd think that Eric would have gotten the message by now wouldn't you.......?
psh. remember;
When the lights go out, we're All black.
but what if eric's actually fluorescent yellow?
he might glow. and i'm white enough to glow..
i'm serious.
about me. not him.
Right. i'm going to analyse. Because i just spent like.. two hours analysing. And i'm in the groove.
btw. when i analyse, i tend to say a lot.
The first stanza; you kinda elongate.. no. Augment? the fact the this dude is falling.i'm not sure that it's necessary.
But you've chosen interesting words;
"Tumbling, twisting, spinning down"
i can't tell whether it's a good thing or not. Tumbling can be relatively neutral[i'm thinking of the lost boys from peter pan.. don't ask why]. Twisting seems.. squirmy. in an awkward way, and spinning seems eloquent. so. who knows.
Pure gates= heaven[i'm assuming.. can't think of anything else]
blind gazes.. hmm. i'll come back to that. perhaps.
"earth-ward bound", again shows that it's from heaven that he's falling. but then
"not from but into grace"
Well.. this is kinda the theme of the whole poem methinks. Perhaps it's saying that the world we live in really is something we should.. appreciate. or perhaps you're saying that.. i'll use 'the grass is always greener' example that i just used with peter.
so, heaven is this amazing, magical, perfect world. But perhaps it's not actually that great in reality [though, it's debatable whether there is actually reality in heaven, or whether there is heaven at all.. but i won't go into that]
i think i'll analyse the rest of it another day. THat should do you for now.
nightnight xoxo
ooooooh
coming back to the 'blind gazes'--->is it from the people in heaven, or the people on earth? It could be a metaphor for the blind eye that people turn to those in need/random people, who people should take more notice of in general. things that people know are there, but are in denial of. Perhaps it's one of these people, who's beyond suffering.
or something.
look, even i do it..
but then..
"He descended
[B]past[/B] blind gazes"
makes you think that he doesn't care. so.. maybe he's above them all.. has reached a higher point of nirvana or something. I don't even know if there are points to nirvana. but you get the idea.
and.. why is he falling?
and why is he returning to earth?
or is he even returning?
has he done something bad that the 'gods' don't like?
but then..
"He descended
[B]past[/B] blind gazes"
makes you think that he doesn't care. so.. maybe he's above them all.. has reached a higher point of nirvana or something. I don't even know if there are points to nirvana. but you get the idea.
-ba ba baaaa!- the plot thickens...
don't miss the next installement of KELDA AND THE CHEESLY CHEESES!!
nice poem though.
bonsoir
hmmm. i wish there was an 'edit' button for comments.
i despair of you kelda. AND YOU BETTER NOT SHOW THOSE PHOTOS AROUND THE WORLD!!!!
julia.. you didn't even comment on my massively huge and awe-some ['awesome' is a word that has been overused. it's lost it's meaning. it's very sad. because it's such a cool word.]comment/analysingness, which is in fact, i think, bigger than eric's post.
how sad.
that's alright.
it's not that hard to be bigger than eric.
eric!! are you still there?
do you have anything to say on these matters?
[it was cool seeing you again today btw :) even if it was just for 20 mins..]
...whats with the massive hate, Peter?
yeah and it was nice seeing you today too Kelda ^^
I don't know, Massive just seems to be my thing.
Besides, everyone knows I'm joking. And you can prove it, right..?
i'm sorry to interrupt your massiveness peter.. but eric. Can you update?
pleeeeeeeease? -flutters eyelashes-
hahaha. sure..
Oi. Stop interrupting.
I'm practising.
um ok wow
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